Monday, June 27, 2011

Shopping with everyone's favorite aunt

After a 17-month reprieve, Aunt Flo came to visit this weekend (and caught me completely unprepared). We went shopping today, and let me tell you, she is a very demanding houseguest.

AF: CARBS!
JA: No, first we need some meat. Let me grab a rotisserie chicken. Oh, they are out of chickens. I guess we'll get a turkey breast.
AF: Turkey breast? THAT MEANS TURKEY DINNER! STOVE TOP STUFFING! GRAVY! CRANBERRY SAUCE! MASHED POTATOES!
JA: No, we don't have time to make mashed potatoes. And the boxed stuff sucks. Can we just get frozen french fries?
AF: AND CARBS!!!
JA: Potatoes are carbs.
AF: BREAD!
JA: Okay, we do need bread for sandwiches. How about this nice whole wheat--
AF: FLUFFY WHITE ITALIAN BREAD WITH NO REDEEMING QUALITIES! AND THOSE DONUTS ARE BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!
JA: Okay, you can have the white bread--
AF: AND BAGELS!
JA: --and bagels. But we don't need donuts.
AF: Fine. Cheesecake, then. You wanted cheesecake yesterday, remember?
JA: But...
AF: CHEESECAKE!!
JA: Alright, cheesecake. Let's see, we also need juice, veggies, eggs--
AF: LOOK!
JA: What?
AF: CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH! IN A TUBE!!
JA: We don't need cookie dough. We just bought a cheesecake.
AF: BUT IT'S IN A TUBE! YOU CAN EAT IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE TUBE! TUUUUUBBBBBEEE!!!!!
JA: Fine. Cookie dough. In a freakin' tube. Can we go now?
AF: Pickles?

5 comments:

Alana said...

I am laughing so hard my husband had to ssshhh me to keep me from waking the boys.

Ryan Platte said...

I want to meet AF. I need more stories to tell when I'm old.

Reads like Hyperbole and a Half!

Trish said...

This is a hilarious post and oh so true! Thanks for posting this :D LOL

jd said...

17 months is a LONG time!! Lucky you! Great post! I was laughing, too!!

Liana said...

Thanks for the laugh, Jule Ann... nice post - that IS so true!!