Dorothy popped out of the womb sleeping for five hour stretches. It was surreal and amazing.
When she was a little baby, I could put her down "drowsy but awake" and she would just go to sleep on her own. When Valerie was a baby, I remember thinking that this was a ridiculous myth propagated by baby book authors. But nope, it worked with Dorothy. I could hardly believe it.
And then, like the proverbial frog in a pot of cold water, I got complacent. I don't know what went wrong, but it happened so gradually that I didn't notice. And then one day, I realized that I wasn't getting enough sleep to function anymore. I was grumpy, and I had a short temper, and I realized that, one by one, every one of my sleep tricks had stopped working. I had one trick left up my sleeve: When she was tired, I could put her on my back, in the Ergo or the mei tai, and she would go to sleep, then I could slip her quietly off my back and transfer her to the bed. Then, about a month ago, she started biting my back whenever I tried to do this, and, just like that, my last sleep tool was gone, and I realized that I had nothing left.
I hate talking about sleep. In fact, I blogged here not too long ago about how I think people should butt out and stop asking new moms about sleep. But here's the thing: It had become a major problem for us. My 17-month-old was sleeping worse than a newborn. And I simply couldn't function like that anymore.
We started doing some sleep training. Not cry-it-out, but something in between. When we sleep trained Valerie using this method, she had one rough night, then a few okay nights, then she was sleeping for 12-hour stretches within a week. Dorothy has not been such an easy sell on sleep. Things looked like they were working well at first, then, she seemed to get caught up enough on sleep to become a fighter again, and the nights got worse again. We have an occasional good night, and I'll get optimistic for a day, then the next night, she will be up every hour again. I don't know how she does it, but I certainly can't live on that little sleep.
Anyhow, I never wanted to come on here and talk about our sleep struggles, but this is directly relevant to my lack of daily HADA success this year: I am so insanely tired that I can barely trudge through the daily stuff, let alone the "bonus" stuff. Yesterday was bad. Today isn't looking good either. I went to bed at 8:30, and I got to sleep from 9-12, then I didn't get more than a 45-60 minute stretch for the rest of the night. I think it's going to be another "survival mode" day.
Just to clarify: I am not looking for sleep advice. I am drowning in sleep advice. I can almost guarantee that any attempts to give me sleep advice will just make me more frustrated than I already am. I am simply explaining why I kinda suck at HADA this year.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Monday, April 02, 2012
Hour-a-Day April: Day Two
Today was one of those days. One of those go-go-go days where I had somewhere to be or something to do or someone to feed or someone's butt to wipe every moment from the time we woke up (an hour early) until a good two hours after bedtime (and still counting). How do you squeeze an hour of productivity out of a day like that?
It's 9 pm. I normally go to bed between 10 and 11. In theory, I could get my butt in gear and do an hour of cleaning right now. But I am just so drained. I honestly don't think I have it in me.
So, at the risk of bending the rules too much two days into HADA, I'm going to bed early, and I'm calling that my hour. Going to bed early, quite frankly, is something that I almost never make time for in my life, so it totally fits the rules of HADA. I promise, at some point, I will get to some properly productive HADA projects. Until then, I'm giving myself a bit of much-needed rest tonight.
Daily Total: 1 hour (to be confirmed in the morning - EDIT: yep)
Monthly Total: 2 hours
It's 9 pm. I normally go to bed between 10 and 11. In theory, I could get my butt in gear and do an hour of cleaning right now. But I am just so drained. I honestly don't think I have it in me.
So, at the risk of bending the rules too much two days into HADA, I'm going to bed early, and I'm calling that my hour. Going to bed early, quite frankly, is something that I almost never make time for in my life, so it totally fits the rules of HADA. I promise, at some point, I will get to some properly productive HADA projects. Until then, I'm giving myself a bit of much-needed rest tonight.
Daily Total: 1 hour (to be confirmed in the morning - EDIT: yep)
Monthly Total: 2 hours
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows a New Mom
I know you mean well. I know you're just trying to make conversation. But please, please, please stop asking new moms if their babies are "sleeping through the night" yet.
Yesterday morning at my local La Leche League meeting, we were having a discussion about sleep habits, and how anytime you mention sleep problems, well-meaning folks (from pediatricians to nosy neighbors) seem to jump at the chance to suggest formula (or formula mixed with rice cereal) to help them "sleep better". I said, "You know, if breastfed babies don't sleep through the night, and breastfeeding is the biological norm, then maybe 'not sleeping through the night' is also the biological norm."
And that got me thinking, and I have been thinking about this a lot since yesterday's meeting. Instead of accepting babies as they are, and adapting to that, we focus all of our time and energy on changing our babies into this unrealistic ideal. Formula companies spend millions of dollars developing (and marketing) milk substitutes that will sit in your baby's stomach and keep her asleep longer, and there are entire aisles in every bookstore devoted to teaching parents the magic cure to their babies' sleep woes.
But maybe we're trying to fix something that isn't broken. First of all, did you know that the medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is sleeping a five-hour stretch? So if your baby is going to sleep at 7 pm and waking up at midnight, just as you are finally winding down for the night, guess what? Your baby IS "sleeping through the night".
Expectations are everything. When Valerie was a baby, she would wake up to nurse every 60-90 minutes, day and night. 
(If I had known then what I know now about breastfeeding, I would have diagnosed my milk oversupply issue much sooner, and her sleep habits might not have been so bad, but that's another story.) When Dorothy was a baby, she had more "normal" sleep habits - she would sleep a 4-5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night, then a couple of shorter stretches before morning. I thought I had won the sleep lottery! It was amazing! People would ask me, "How is she sleeping?" and I would say, "Great! She sleeps until 2, then she nurses again at 5 and 7, then we're up for the day at 8!" And they would give me this horrified look as if I had just told them she sprouts horns at night and claws out my entrails, then they would bite their tongue and try to say something "nice" like, "Well, if you're okay with that..."
(If I had known then what I know now about breastfeeding, I would have diagnosed my milk oversupply issue much sooner, and her sleep habits might not have been so bad, but that's another story.) When Dorothy was a baby, she had more "normal" sleep habits - she would sleep a 4-5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night, then a couple of shorter stretches before morning. I thought I had won the sleep lottery! It was amazing! People would ask me, "How is she sleeping?" and I would say, "Great! She sleeps until 2, then she nurses again at 5 and 7, then we're up for the day at 8!" And they would give me this horrified look as if I had just told them she sprouts horns at night and claws out my entrails, then they would bite their tongue and try to say something "nice" like, "Well, if you're okay with that..."Now, before you jump in and say, "My baby sleeps for 12 hours every night, and I never had to do anything to make it happen, that's just the way she is," I will admit that some babies seem to be magically endowed with the ability to sleep for 12 hours every night, without waking up once. Consider yourself lucky. There are three-year-olds who have the ability to memorize the entire Quran, too, but we don't expect that of every three-year-old. If you have an amazing kid, great, enjoy it. But it's unrealistic to expect that kind of extraordinary behavior from every baby.
And I'm going to cut a bunch more of you off right here, too, before you jump in and say, "I trained my baby to sleep through the night using Dr. So-and-So's Amazing Method For Getting Babies To Sleep Better, and it totally works!" I'm not going to tell you how to parent your children, so if it worked for you, great. But something has always bugged me about all those "make my baby sleep" methods on the market, and it wasn't until today that I really realized why.
SIDS. Every parent's biggest fear. What if my baby dies in her sleep? We know the risk factors (formula-feeding, parents who smoke, sleeping on her front, etc.) but we still don't know exactly what causes it. Babies just die in their sleep and we don't know why. It's terrifying!
And as I have been mulling over my thoughts from yesterday, that maybe sleeping through the night is not the biological norm, I realized that the two could be connected. We invest all this time and energy into making our babies sleep for longer and longer stretches, and what do they do? They sleep for longer and longer stretches. And then one day, they just don't wake up.
Now, I'm not trying to point fingers or assign blame. I am NOT saying that if you sleep-trained your baby, and they died of SIDS, it's your fault. Let me repeat that: I don't think SIDS is your fault. And I'm not saying you're a bad person for sleep-training your child.
Here's what I am saying: It is normal for babies to wake up several times a night. Normal and healthy. 
There is nothing wrong with your baby if she is waking up several times a night. Your baby is normal. So please, can we stop placing unrealistic expectations on these perfect little people who are just doing what they are biologically designed to do? Can we stop trying to fix what ain't broke?
There is nothing wrong with your baby if she is waking up several times a night. Your baby is normal. So please, can we stop placing unrealistic expectations on these perfect little people who are just doing what they are biologically designed to do? Can we stop trying to fix what ain't broke?At the same time, I am also not saying that you should just suffer silently if your baby truly does have trouble sleeping. Sometimes there is an underlying problem than needs to be addressed (like my oversupply issue with Valerie), and as babies get older, there are things you can do to gently guide them towards age-appropriate sleep habits. Work with your baby to make things the best they can be. But check your expectations at the door. Assume that your baby will wake up several times in the night, and find a way to make that work for you. It's better to be pleasantly surprised by a baby that sleeps more than you expected than to be devastated by a perfectly normal sleep schedule that is less than you expected.
And, back to you, well-meaning friends/doctors/neighbors/strangers: Please, stop asking us how our babies are sleeping as if it was the only thing that mattered. Stop acting like a baby sleeping 12 hours every night is the norm. Stop acting like our perfectly normal babies are broken. If you want to make polite conversation, why don't you focus on the positive? "Oh, what a sweet baby, don't you just love cuddling her and watching her coo?" You can't go wrong with something like that.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I could have sworn there were supposed to be 24 hours in a day
It seems simple. 24 hours in a day. I work for 5, sleep for 8, and have 11 remaining hours to do other things. But for some reason, it never seems to work out that way.
I get up at 3:30 am to feed the baby. I work from 5-10 am, then I come home, and the baby eats for a very very long time. Then I have to eat. Then I need a nap. Then I need to eat. Then it's bedtime again. Interspersed, of course, with more feedings and diaper changes and laundry.
So, if you come to my house, and see my sink full of dishes, and wonder, like I do, why I can't get to them during the 11 free hours I have every day, please be gracious. Those 11 hours don't exist.
I get up at 3:30 am to feed the baby. I work from 5-10 am, then I come home, and the baby eats for a very very long time. Then I have to eat. Then I need a nap. Then I need to eat. Then it's bedtime again. Interspersed, of course, with more feedings and diaper changes and laundry.
So, if you come to my house, and see my sink full of dishes, and wonder, like I do, why I can't get to them during the 11 free hours I have every day, please be gracious. Those 11 hours don't exist.
Friday, September 05, 2008
My baby has E.S.P.
She may have been asleep for five minutes, 15 minutes, or 45 minutes. She may look like she is completely out. But if Mama decides to take advantage of her sleeping time and squeeze in a nap, she is completely awake the minute my head hits the pillow. It's not just my imagination, either, I have had guests witness this happening!
She may have eaten five minutes ago, 15 minutes ago, or 45 minutes ago. She may refuse to eat when I try to feed her. But if Mama decides to make myself something to eat, she starts asking to nurse before I get to take the first bite. I currently have a pan of semi-cooked bacon and a burnt pancake sitting on the stove, with their respective pans turned off until some unknown point when I will be able to finish making my breakfast.
It's like she has a sixth sense. I wonder if she sees dead people?
She may have eaten five minutes ago, 15 minutes ago, or 45 minutes ago. She may refuse to eat when I try to feed her. But if Mama decides to make myself something to eat, she starts asking to nurse before I get to take the first bite. I currently have a pan of semi-cooked bacon and a burnt pancake sitting on the stove, with their respective pans turned off until some unknown point when I will be able to finish making my breakfast.
It's like she has a sixth sense. I wonder if she sees dead people?
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Lest you think I have a perpetually contented baby...
This is the face I get to look at a lot of the time. Somehow, captured on film, even that face is strangely beautiful, but let me assure you, when it is 3 a.m. and that face is accompanied by shrieking, it's less than idyllic.
I've been blessed with an incredible non-sleeping, un-burpable baby. And no, I don't want your advice. I have plenty of advice, some of which occasionally works, but ultimately, I have resigned myself to the fact that this is the baby I have, this is how she is, and this is how it will be for an unknown period of time. My life now revolves around feeding and burping my baby, which is one more axis than my life had 3 weeks ago, so I guess that's an improvement in some ways.
Of course, she is an angel in public, or when company is around. Everyone tells me I have such a good baby. And who am I to argue? Sometimes I even agree! But anyone who looks at my little one and waxes nostalgic about this period of their own child's life has some form of selective amnesia. Which, I suppose, is biologically necessary if people are going to have an average of two children per family and maintain the population. And I'm sure I will eventually develop that ailment as well, as Valerie grows out of this difficult stage and into her personality. Because there are oh so many amazing parts of being the mother of a newborn as well, and sometimes, I just sit staring at her with love in my eyes, or kiss her head repeatedly as she looks at me with her big, bright, slightly perplexed eyes. I'm sure it's not difficult for those amazing bits to ultimately grow to overshadow the dark bits. But, while I still have the memory of the screaming, let me just say: This gig is hard.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled, "Aw, isn't she cute?" programming. Which is ironic, since she stayed quiet through the typing of this entire post, right up until I got to this paragraph, at which point she promptly started screeching. My baby has a literary sense of humor. (More cute pictures on Flickr.)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Happy birthday-ish, Valerie!
Valerie is two weeks old today! It's hard to believe that she is supposed to still be inside of me for another week. Surreal.
We've had her home for eight nights now, one of which went pretty well, and seven of which were killer. Other babies in my August babies forum are sleeping for four or five hour stretches at night, and it just seems so impossible to me that it almost makes me laugh. Almost. Valerie needs to eat every 30-60 minutes all night, and once the nursing, burping, and usually diaper change are all done, I might get five minutes to sleep before the cycle starts all over again. Let me tell you, nights are very dark for me.
But, the sun comes up eventually, and sometimes she lets me take a two-hour nap in the late morning, and then I somehow have some energy again, and it seems like I just might survive this motherhood thing. Maybe.
Saturday night was her one good night - she let me sleep for over two hours, not once, but TWICE during the night. I was really grateful for this, because I had hoped to be able to take her to church this week, and I actually was able to. I really enjoyed having my little family at church, even if we did need to sneak out of the service twice to nurse and twice to change diapers. She loved the singing, which didn't surprise me, since she loved it when I was pregnant with her. I'm wondering if I'll be able to play the djembe with her in the sling... she always loved my drumming in the womb.
Today was not too hot or humid, so I took her outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and vitamin D. She didn't quite know what to make of the great outdoors - she gaped rather oddly throughout the whole affair. I hope this nice weather holds so we can go outside more often.
I know this stage of her life is temporary. I know that, as hard as it is right now, eventually, she will let me sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. I know that I will carry fond memories of the little squeaking noises she makes while nursing, and the first time that she turned to find the source of my voice when someone else was holding her and she heard me talking. So I'm taking lots of pictures, and taking each day at a time. Because really, what else can I do? I'm a mama, now. And I wouldn't give her back for all the world.
First sponge bath at home (8 days old)
First time in church (12 days old)
We spend a lot of time in this position (12 days old)
First time in the sunshine (2 weeks old)
More pictures on Flickr.
We've had her home for eight nights now, one of which went pretty well, and seven of which were killer. Other babies in my August babies forum are sleeping for four or five hour stretches at night, and it just seems so impossible to me that it almost makes me laugh. Almost. Valerie needs to eat every 30-60 minutes all night, and once the nursing, burping, and usually diaper change are all done, I might get five minutes to sleep before the cycle starts all over again. Let me tell you, nights are very dark for me.
But, the sun comes up eventually, and sometimes she lets me take a two-hour nap in the late morning, and then I somehow have some energy again, and it seems like I just might survive this motherhood thing. Maybe.
Saturday night was her one good night - she let me sleep for over two hours, not once, but TWICE during the night. I was really grateful for this, because I had hoped to be able to take her to church this week, and I actually was able to. I really enjoyed having my little family at church, even if we did need to sneak out of the service twice to nurse and twice to change diapers. She loved the singing, which didn't surprise me, since she loved it when I was pregnant with her. I'm wondering if I'll be able to play the djembe with her in the sling... she always loved my drumming in the womb.
Today was not too hot or humid, so I took her outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and vitamin D. She didn't quite know what to make of the great outdoors - she gaped rather oddly throughout the whole affair. I hope this nice weather holds so we can go outside more often.
I know this stage of her life is temporary. I know that, as hard as it is right now, eventually, she will let me sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. I know that I will carry fond memories of the little squeaking noises she makes while nursing, and the first time that she turned to find the source of my voice when someone else was holding her and she heard me talking. So I'm taking lots of pictures, and taking each day at a time. Because really, what else can I do? I'm a mama, now. And I wouldn't give her back for all the world.
First sponge bath at home (8 days old)
First time in church (12 days old)
We spend a lot of time in this position (12 days old)
First time in the sunshine (2 weeks old)
More pictures on Flickr.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Homecoming
On Saturday night, as we were driving home from the hospital, I realized with a pang of regret that August 9, 2008 was the first day of Valerie's life that I had not taken any pictures of her. What a delinquent mother I must be, to start to slip so soon! But, as I thought over the day, and how much I had cherished every minute of the 30 every three hours when I was allowed to hold and feed my baby, I think I made the right choice. I wouldn't have wanted to have wasted any of that time tracking down the camera, not even for the sake of "I have pictures from every day of her life." A memory is no less memorable for not having been recorded; in fact, there is a unique value in those memories. Never fear, however, we've taken about 65 pictures since then.
On Saturday morning, Valerie's bilirubins were down, so they took her off one of the three lights, and we found ourselves getting optimistic about actually taking Valerie home on Sunday. Jeremy had a family party and a church party that he wanted to make appearances at on Saturday, so I gave him my blessing to leave me at the hospital so that I could feed Valerie throughout the day, and he could show off pictures like the proud Papa that he is. I'm glad he was able to go, so that he could connect with many of those wonderful people who had been praying for us and bringing us meals, and keep them updated. Phil and Rachel came by to spend part of the day in the education room with me, and it was really nice to spend time with them, even if it probably wasn't the most interesting day for them. Besides, they brought me ice cream.
When they ran her blood work at the end of the night on Saturday, her bilirubins were back up to almost the highest they had been the whole time. I went ahead and packed an all-day bag again for Sunday, and went into the day rather unoptimistically.
The first thing I discovered on Sunday was that someone had moved the hoses for my hospital-grade breast pump, so I had to wean those imaginary second and third babies rather abruptly. Let me just offer my sympathy right now to any mother who has ever had to wean a child, because wow, what a painful experience. That's all I'm going to say about that.
The next thing I found out was that Valerie's bilirubins had gone down a tiny bit, so they were going to take her off another light, but that didn't cheer me up too much, because the last time they took her off a light, her numbers skyrocketed, so I figured the same thing would happen this time. Sunday was a long day, and it didn't help that we had to keep moving out of the education room (which, in spite of getting tiresome, was actually quite comfortable) to make room for other families to visit with their babies.
Monday was exactly one week from the time I checked into the hospital to get induced. When we arrived on Monday morning, the first thing the nurse said to us was, "We're going to do what we can to send you home with your baby today." And she seemed to mean it. It took an eternity to get all the discharge stuff taken care of, but by about noon, we were finally on our way home with our six-day-old baby. I know six days in the NICU is not a very long time in the greater scheme of things, but boy was I glad for it to be over.
A visiting nurse met us at our place with a portable UV light and showed us how to put it on Valerie so that she could start burning up those nasty bilirubins. (Boy, am I going to be happy when I don't ever have to type that word again. Blogger even underlines it in red, because it finds the word offensive, too.) She is attached to the wallaby machine by a six-foot plastic umbilical cord, so her mobility is somewhat limited, but at least we can hold her, now. Being able to hold my baby whenever I want is the most amazing thing in the world.
Monday was a rough day for Valerie, transition-wise. There was too much going on for my little baby who had spent 90% of the first six days of her life wearing goggles and isolated in a small plastic box. She ate poorly, and I started to worry that, when the nurse came the next morning to check her bilirubin levels, they would rush her back to the NICU again. But, as soon as it was dark and calm in the house, Valerie turned into a different person. A very hungry person. And she ate so much that night that I didn't even need to pump, because she was actually keeping up with my production for the first time ever.
Tuesday morning, she was looking noticeably pinker, and, just to demonstrate her new-found normal-babyness, she decided to projectile poop across the room for me when I was changing her in the morning. He bilirubin levels hadn't gone down, however, which confused me a little bit, because she looked so much better, both to me and to the visiting nurse who had come to take her blood for the test. But when we took her to the pediatrician in the afternoon for her first check-up, the doctor explained to us that the numbers don't mean the same thing all the time. A one-day-old baby with a count of 16 is really bad, but a six-day-old baby with a 16 is not bad at all. That would have been something really nice to be told, I don't know, about six days earlier when the nurses started telling us numbers that we knew absolutely nothing about, beyond the fact that they were not good numbers.
Valerie dozed for a good chunk of the day on Tuesday, but it didn't bother me as much as it had on Monday, because I knew she would probably perk back up again right around when I wanted to go to bed. Which, sure enough, she did. Just a little before midnight, alert Valerie took sleepy Valerie's place, and started eating and eating and eating. (I just looked at my notes - she ate 14 times between 11:30 pm and 8:00 am.) Which left little time for Mama to sleep, but fortunately, we still have a freezer full of pumped milk, so Papa was able to pinch-feed for me once or twice so that I could catch a few winks. Then, when my mom came by in the morning, I put her on Valerie patrol so that I could sleep for a couple of hours, and other than one, short bottle-feeding, she didn't wake up to eat until I woke up again at noon to feed her. Her bilirubins weren't any lower this morning, but honestly, I don't care as much about the numbers anymore, because I can see how much better she is doing for myself. You know that whole "sleep when the baby's sleeping" thing? It makes a lot of sense. Difficult to execute, however.
Wow, I talk a lot about Valerie's eating schedule, don't I? Sorry about that. Here are some more pictures, as a reward for trudging all the way through that last, boring paragraph. (More pictures on our Flickr photostream - click on any picture to get there.)
With Mama (five days old)
Watching baby eat (five days old)
That look on my face is, "They're letting me take my baby home!" (six days old)
My little glow worm (six days old)
Wakeman family portrait (eight days old)
On Saturday morning, Valerie's bilirubins were down, so they took her off one of the three lights, and we found ourselves getting optimistic about actually taking Valerie home on Sunday. Jeremy had a family party and a church party that he wanted to make appearances at on Saturday, so I gave him my blessing to leave me at the hospital so that I could feed Valerie throughout the day, and he could show off pictures like the proud Papa that he is. I'm glad he was able to go, so that he could connect with many of those wonderful people who had been praying for us and bringing us meals, and keep them updated. Phil and Rachel came by to spend part of the day in the education room with me, and it was really nice to spend time with them, even if it probably wasn't the most interesting day for them. Besides, they brought me ice cream.
When they ran her blood work at the end of the night on Saturday, her bilirubins were back up to almost the highest they had been the whole time. I went ahead and packed an all-day bag again for Sunday, and went into the day rather unoptimistically.
The first thing I discovered on Sunday was that someone had moved the hoses for my hospital-grade breast pump, so I had to wean those imaginary second and third babies rather abruptly. Let me just offer my sympathy right now to any mother who has ever had to wean a child, because wow, what a painful experience. That's all I'm going to say about that.
The next thing I found out was that Valerie's bilirubins had gone down a tiny bit, so they were going to take her off another light, but that didn't cheer me up too much, because the last time they took her off a light, her numbers skyrocketed, so I figured the same thing would happen this time. Sunday was a long day, and it didn't help that we had to keep moving out of the education room (which, in spite of getting tiresome, was actually quite comfortable) to make room for other families to visit with their babies.
Monday was exactly one week from the time I checked into the hospital to get induced. When we arrived on Monday morning, the first thing the nurse said to us was, "We're going to do what we can to send you home with your baby today." And she seemed to mean it. It took an eternity to get all the discharge stuff taken care of, but by about noon, we were finally on our way home with our six-day-old baby. I know six days in the NICU is not a very long time in the greater scheme of things, but boy was I glad for it to be over.
A visiting nurse met us at our place with a portable UV light and showed us how to put it on Valerie so that she could start burning up those nasty bilirubins. (Boy, am I going to be happy when I don't ever have to type that word again. Blogger even underlines it in red, because it finds the word offensive, too.) She is attached to the wallaby machine by a six-foot plastic umbilical cord, so her mobility is somewhat limited, but at least we can hold her, now. Being able to hold my baby whenever I want is the most amazing thing in the world.
Monday was a rough day for Valerie, transition-wise. There was too much going on for my little baby who had spent 90% of the first six days of her life wearing goggles and isolated in a small plastic box. She ate poorly, and I started to worry that, when the nurse came the next morning to check her bilirubin levels, they would rush her back to the NICU again. But, as soon as it was dark and calm in the house, Valerie turned into a different person. A very hungry person. And she ate so much that night that I didn't even need to pump, because she was actually keeping up with my production for the first time ever.
Tuesday morning, she was looking noticeably pinker, and, just to demonstrate her new-found normal-babyness, she decided to projectile poop across the room for me when I was changing her in the morning. He bilirubin levels hadn't gone down, however, which confused me a little bit, because she looked so much better, both to me and to the visiting nurse who had come to take her blood for the test. But when we took her to the pediatrician in the afternoon for her first check-up, the doctor explained to us that the numbers don't mean the same thing all the time. A one-day-old baby with a count of 16 is really bad, but a six-day-old baby with a 16 is not bad at all. That would have been something really nice to be told, I don't know, about six days earlier when the nurses started telling us numbers that we knew absolutely nothing about, beyond the fact that they were not good numbers.
Valerie dozed for a good chunk of the day on Tuesday, but it didn't bother me as much as it had on Monday, because I knew she would probably perk back up again right around when I wanted to go to bed. Which, sure enough, she did. Just a little before midnight, alert Valerie took sleepy Valerie's place, and started eating and eating and eating. (I just looked at my notes - she ate 14 times between 11:30 pm and 8:00 am.) Which left little time for Mama to sleep, but fortunately, we still have a freezer full of pumped milk, so Papa was able to pinch-feed for me once or twice so that I could catch a few winks. Then, when my mom came by in the morning, I put her on Valerie patrol so that I could sleep for a couple of hours, and other than one, short bottle-feeding, she didn't wake up to eat until I woke up again at noon to feed her. Her bilirubins weren't any lower this morning, but honestly, I don't care as much about the numbers anymore, because I can see how much better she is doing for myself. You know that whole "sleep when the baby's sleeping" thing? It makes a lot of sense. Difficult to execute, however.
Wow, I talk a lot about Valerie's eating schedule, don't I? Sorry about that. Here are some more pictures, as a reward for trudging all the way through that last, boring paragraph. (More pictures on our Flickr photostream - click on any picture to get there.)
With Mama (five days old)
Watching baby eat (five days old)
That look on my face is, "They're letting me take my baby home!" (six days old)
My little glow worm (six days old)
Wakeman family portrait (eight days old)
Friday, August 08, 2008
Valerie Update
So, they discharged me from the hospital on Thursday, but they decided to keep Valerie for a little bit longer, because she is still pretty jaundiced, and her bilirubins keep going up in spite of two bili lights and a wallaby pad. They continue to let me nurse her, so my life has begun to revolve entirely around the feeding of my baby. I don't have a hospital room anymore, but they are allowing us to hang out in an education room with a few couches and chairs, so that I can feed Valerie every three hours. Once she is done eating, I pump everything she missed so that there will be milk to get her through the night. Then I eat something to replenish my resources, nap if I can, and then it's feeding time all over again. After her 9:00 pm feeding, I go home, pump at midnight, three, and six, then head back in to the hospital to start all over again. It's exhausting, but when it's the only thing you can do for your child, you put everything into it. When they wouldn't let me feed her yet, I poured all of my frustration into pumping, and my milk responded quickly, and I think I am now producing enough for twins, and I'm not sure what Val is going to do with it all when I finally get her home and don't need to do double duty anymore. I really love nursing her, though, and she is latching on like a pro, now.
Okay, enough about milk, although frankly, it's a fairly accurate depiction of my life right now if 98% of this entry was about milk.
I should have been keeping better track of all of her progress, and I will make an effort to from now on. They took her off the nasal cannula on Wednesday morning, then took her off the IV on Thursday, I believe. By the end of the day on Thursday, they had removed her from all of the monitoring stuff, and moved her over to the well-baby nursery, although she is still under the care of the NICU nurses. The rapid breathing issues that they initially checked her into the NICU for seem to have completely resolved.
As of today, Valerie's bilirubins were up again, so I won't be taking her home tonight as I had hoped. They are shooting for Sunday, now, which means two more days of hanging out in the education room. On the bright side, they started bringing her to me today, so that I don't have to nurse her in the nursery anymore, which has been nice. Her jaundice was at its worst this morning, but I really think it had improved a bit by this evening. They tell me that the main thing is for her to get as much fluid as possible so that she can break down the bilirubins and pass them out of her body (or something along those lines), and although I am extremely resistant to supplementing, I do want her to get better. So, we've reached a compromise, and they let me nurse her first for at least half an hour every feeding, then they will supplement with my pumped milk if she seems to need it. I'm not entirely happy with this arrangement, but at least she is getting my milk only, and not formula or IV fluids. After this afternoon's feeding, Jeremy watched through the nursery window as two different nurses tried to give her more milk from a bottle, and she wouldn't take more than a few drops, as if to say, no thanks, I got plenty from Mama already. I was very proud of her. They tell me she has had a dirty diaper with almost every change today, which means she is getting plenty of food, and hopefully, it also means that she is finally breaking down some of those nasty bilirubins.
Okay, enough talky, on with the pictures...
Skin to skin time with Mama in the NICU, 1 day old
Valerie under the bili lights, sporting cool shades, 2 days old
Valerie shows off her big mouth, 2 days old (Jer and I both think the little velcro tabs for the bili-shades make her look like Geordi La Forge)
Valerie naps after nursing, 2 days old
Big Daddy Fingers and Tiny Baby Toes, 2 days old
Valerie with her proud Papa, 2 days old
My beautiful, yellow baby, 3 days old
Okay, enough about milk, although frankly, it's a fairly accurate depiction of my life right now if 98% of this entry was about milk.
I should have been keeping better track of all of her progress, and I will make an effort to from now on. They took her off the nasal cannula on Wednesday morning, then took her off the IV on Thursday, I believe. By the end of the day on Thursday, they had removed her from all of the monitoring stuff, and moved her over to the well-baby nursery, although she is still under the care of the NICU nurses. The rapid breathing issues that they initially checked her into the NICU for seem to have completely resolved.
As of today, Valerie's bilirubins were up again, so I won't be taking her home tonight as I had hoped. They are shooting for Sunday, now, which means two more days of hanging out in the education room. On the bright side, they started bringing her to me today, so that I don't have to nurse her in the nursery anymore, which has been nice. Her jaundice was at its worst this morning, but I really think it had improved a bit by this evening. They tell me that the main thing is for her to get as much fluid as possible so that she can break down the bilirubins and pass them out of her body (or something along those lines), and although I am extremely resistant to supplementing, I do want her to get better. So, we've reached a compromise, and they let me nurse her first for at least half an hour every feeding, then they will supplement with my pumped milk if she seems to need it. I'm not entirely happy with this arrangement, but at least she is getting my milk only, and not formula or IV fluids. After this afternoon's feeding, Jeremy watched through the nursery window as two different nurses tried to give her more milk from a bottle, and she wouldn't take more than a few drops, as if to say, no thanks, I got plenty from Mama already. I was very proud of her. They tell me she has had a dirty diaper with almost every change today, which means she is getting plenty of food, and hopefully, it also means that she is finally breaking down some of those nasty bilirubins.
Okay, enough talky, on with the pictures...
Skin to skin time with Mama in the NICU, 1 day old
Valerie under the bili lights, sporting cool shades, 2 days old
Valerie shows off her big mouth, 2 days old (Jer and I both think the little velcro tabs for the bili-shades make her look like Geordi La Forge)
Valerie naps after nursing, 2 days old
Big Daddy Fingers and Tiny Baby Toes, 2 days old
Valerie with her proud Papa, 2 days old
My beautiful, yellow baby, 3 days old
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
A Poorly-Written Weekend Summary With Not Enough Pictures
Friday night, we saw Jon Stewart. He was funny. We stayed up too late.
Saturday morning I woke up early and went to worship team practice. Wait, I made rice krispy squares first, then went to practice. Then we went to Phil and Rachel's and spent an afternoon visiting with Justin and Meghan. And Rachel made tasty dinner.
Then we picked up coffee and went to the church for a coffee house. It was fun. Ali sang. She was great. We played some games, and chatted, and stayed up too late again.
Sunday morning was church. After church, I tried to squeeze in a nap, but I only managed to doze for about 5 minutes. I managed to make a tasty pasta salad, however. Then we went to the park and had a surprise party for Jill's birthday. We played frisbee and I fought with a franken-ghetto-kite for far longer than I should have. I love kites, but on a gusty day, there is sometimes nothing you can do. Sunday night, we had a nice evening in with Erin and Brian at the house.
After work on Monday, we drove straight to the hospital to meet the baby.
I was a little surprised to find out that the hospital had a separate parking lot for family members. That was nice.
The baby was cute. I got to hold him. He smelled like baby.
Then I went to bed. Then I went to work. And any minute now, I will be going to bed again. The older I get, the more it seems to take to recover from doing too much. Good thing I don't plan on getting any older.
Saturday morning I woke up early and went to worship team practice. Wait, I made rice krispy squares first, then went to practice. Then we went to Phil and Rachel's and spent an afternoon visiting with Justin and Meghan. And Rachel made tasty dinner.
Then we picked up coffee and went to the church for a coffee house. It was fun. Ali sang. She was great. We played some games, and chatted, and stayed up too late again.
Sunday morning was church. After church, I tried to squeeze in a nap, but I only managed to doze for about 5 minutes. I managed to make a tasty pasta salad, however. Then we went to the park and had a surprise party for Jill's birthday. We played frisbee and I fought with a franken-ghetto-kite for far longer than I should have. I love kites, but on a gusty day, there is sometimes nothing you can do. Sunday night, we had a nice evening in with Erin and Brian at the house.
After work on Monday, we drove straight to the hospital to meet the baby.
I was a little surprised to find out that the hospital had a separate parking lot for family members. That was nice.
The baby was cute. I got to hold him. He smelled like baby.
Then I went to bed. Then I went to work. And any minute now, I will be going to bed again. The older I get, the more it seems to take to recover from doing too much. Good thing I don't plan on getting any older.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Just a quickie before I collapse into bed...
As of 12:34 pm this day, I am officially an aunt. My sister-in-law gave birth to an adorable little boy today (not to be confused with my sister, who is also pregnant but not due until August). We went and saw him at the hospital today, and held his adorable little five-hours-old, still wrinkly from the womb, too worn out from being born to do anything other than sleep body. And I took a bunch of pictures, but I don't have time to upload any tonight. Soon, I promise. Right now, I need to sleep, because I did far too many fantastic and exciting things this weekend and got far too little sleep. And yes, I am a little bit giddy right now, but it's not my fault, the smell of baby makes me drunk.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Wednesdays
Wednesdays have become my favorite day of the week. What used to be just an evening of watching Lost soon became an evening of watching Lost with friends, which soon became an evening of watching Lost with more friends, which eventually evolved into dinner and games and a crowd of about 8 people. Take that, stupid ABC moving Lost to 10 pm, we're making social lemonade!
Only three more episodes until the season finale, though. So sad. But, when all the twitching and withdrawal symptoms subside, we'll still have Wednesday nights. Maybe we'll finally start that RPG campaign we've been planning for over a year...
Speaking of staying up too late on a work night, I really should be getting to bed. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, and I should start it with some semblance of restedness. Tomorrow night, we're going to see Jon Stewart, and I just found out that some friends from Rhode Island will be coming into town this weekend for a spontaneous visit. Should be fun!
Only three more episodes until the season finale, though. So sad. But, when all the twitching and withdrawal symptoms subside, we'll still have Wednesday nights. Maybe we'll finally start that RPG campaign we've been planning for over a year...
Speaking of staying up too late on a work night, I really should be getting to bed. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, and I should start it with some semblance of restedness. Tomorrow night, we're going to see Jon Stewart, and I just found out that some friends from Rhode Island will be coming into town this weekend for a spontaneous visit. Should be fun!
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