Monday, August 20, 2012

Where I am right now

I deactivated Facebook about a month ago. I feel compelled to write something explaining this decision, but there are so many things all tied up together in it, and I can't seem to wrap my head around it all to compose a coherent blog post about it.

Camp Meeting this year changed my life. I wasn't expecting it to. I wasn't expecting an altar call to send me down this path. Sanctification. Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Theological concepts I have kept at arms length for my 30 years of Christian faith, and inhaled all at once when something finally clicked for me.

Tearing down the high places in my life. Prioritizing, and scheduling (which feels like a four-letter word to my spontaneous heart, but is proving to be genuinely liberating). I thought I knew what I was doing after 30 years of this, but suddenly, I feel like a newborn Christian. Scrambling to figure out how it all fits together. Groaning under the weight of the responsibility of two more souls. Failing daily.

Facebook is the social equivalent of snacking all day, rather than eating three square meals.* I'm yearning for depth. Looking for meat and potatoes in my friendships. Quality over quantity.

And under and through all of this is a recurring thread: The value of unexpressed thoughts. "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." (Luke 2:19) Letting thoughts simmer and develop completely. I wasn't sure I wanted to, needed to, or even should blog about this. Because I'm still working through it all, and it's not fully cooked yet.

I have reread this post a dozen times, and have written three different concluding paragraphs, all of which I have deleted. I don't think it's possible for me to be satisfied with this post, so I'm just going to leave it at this. Imperfect, and unpolished - an excellent representation of my current state.



*Google+ is an all-you-can-eat olive bar.


jd said...

Well need to conclude anything!

Unknown said...

Loved it! Thank you, it was an encouragement! And keep running! You've already won :)

Unknown said...

^ Jess v.

jacque said...

Not sure what led me to check your blog but, Wow! Off on an adventure with God! Learning to walk in step with the Spirit. Blessings, Jule Ann!