We went to the beach yesterday. It was our first time this year (and Dorothy's first time ever!) We had a lovely time, and I took precisely zero pictures, because I had my hands full enough with two little girls and all the gear that entails, and I didn't want to add an expensive-to-replace camera into the mix. I would have snapped a cell phone picture or two, but my battery was almost dead, and I figured I should save the battery for potentially urgent phone calls.
So, here are the pictures I didn't take:
Mama, with a baby on her back, dragging a laden stroller across the sand.
Dorothy, in her little blue hat and long-sleeved bathing suit (that still fit Valerie last summer), shoving a fistful of sand into her mouth the moment I set her down.
Valerie making a sand angel.
All three of us, sitting in the shallow water (sheltered from the waves by a sand dune), Valerie filling her buckets with wet sand.
Dorothy shoving fistfuls of mussel shells into her mouth, with Mama trying desperately to stop her.
Dorothy standing in the bucket so she can't reach any sand or shells, chewing on a bubble wand while Valerie fills the bucket with water until it overflows.
Mama building sand castles, and Valerie giggling hysterically as she smashes them flat.
Dorothy fast asleep in the shade.
Valerie sitting in the hole we dug, asking for more water, because the water sinks away almost instantly every time we fill it.
Naked 2.5-year-old screaming in the cold shower as I try to rinse her off.
Naked 8-month-old screaming in the cold shower as I try to rinse her off.
Two little girls fast asleep in their car seats as we pull up to the house.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, August 06, 2009
This is not Valerie's birthday letter
Two weeks ago, Jeremy started his new job. Nine months of unemployment was a long haul, but it is finally over, and he seems to have found a great job that he loves. Unfortunately, he started his new job the same day we were meant to leave on vacation, so Valerie and I took our family vacation without daddy. And can I just say that, for as much as I complain that he doesn't help around the house enough, spending ten days without him was HARD. Valerie is a good baby, but she's active, and it's nice to be able to hand the reins to someone else when you're feeling tired, or want to play a game or have some adult conversation. It also reminds me how blessed Valerie is to have had him home with her for most of the first year of her life.
Somewhere in my mental "to blog" pile is a weekend at my sisters', a fun but very rainy camping trip, and a visit with some friends in Western Massachusetts, Valerie's 12-month birthday letter, and lots of pictures that I can't figure out how to upload until Jeremy gets home tonight.
Frankly, however, I'm not feeling much up to blogging all of those good things right now. I'm feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, between trying to unpack and unwind from an exhausting vacation, and trying to get ready for a big birthday bash this weekend. These past few days have been very emotional for me, too, because I've found myself dwelling on the negative aspects of Valerie's birth. When she was a few weeks old, I remember telling people that all the crap fades into the background once you have your baby home and in your arms. But anniversaries are odd creatures, in that they make you focus on a specific point in your memories, rather than the generalities. "One year ago today, I was just finding out that I had obstetric cholestasis and was going to have to be induced." "One year ago right now, I was puking from the cervadil and feeling like I wouldn't make it through the night." "One year ago right now, they were telling me that they were going to keep my baby in the NICU." "One year ago tonight, I was crying myself to sleep, alone in a hospital room with an empty womb, but no child in my arms."
I suppose it's good on some level to remember those moments, to acknowledge the deep emotions that I felt at the time. But I feel bad to be spending energy on negative feelings in the middle of what should be a joyful time of celebration. I suppose that's the way it works, though, the reason why the Christmas season has the highest rate of depression. It doesn't pay to focus on what you "should" be feeling. Right now, I am feeling tired and sad; that's what is, regardless of "should". So it might take me a few extra days to get around to writing Valerie's birthday letter.
Somewhere in my mental "to blog" pile is a weekend at my sisters', a fun but very rainy camping trip, and a visit with some friends in Western Massachusetts, Valerie's 12-month birthday letter, and lots of pictures that I can't figure out how to upload until Jeremy gets home tonight.
Frankly, however, I'm not feeling much up to blogging all of those good things right now. I'm feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, between trying to unpack and unwind from an exhausting vacation, and trying to get ready for a big birthday bash this weekend. These past few days have been very emotional for me, too, because I've found myself dwelling on the negative aspects of Valerie's birth. When she was a few weeks old, I remember telling people that all the crap fades into the background once you have your baby home and in your arms. But anniversaries are odd creatures, in that they make you focus on a specific point in your memories, rather than the generalities. "One year ago today, I was just finding out that I had obstetric cholestasis and was going to have to be induced." "One year ago right now, I was puking from the cervadil and feeling like I wouldn't make it through the night." "One year ago right now, they were telling me that they were going to keep my baby in the NICU." "One year ago tonight, I was crying myself to sleep, alone in a hospital room with an empty womb, but no child in my arms."
I suppose it's good on some level to remember those moments, to acknowledge the deep emotions that I felt at the time. But I feel bad to be spending energy on negative feelings in the middle of what should be a joyful time of celebration. I suppose that's the way it works, though, the reason why the Christmas season has the highest rate of depression. It doesn't pay to focus on what you "should" be feeling. Right now, I am feeling tired and sad; that's what is, regardless of "should". So it might take me a few extra days to get around to writing Valerie's birthday letter.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Happy birthday-ish, Valerie!
Valerie is two weeks old today! It's hard to believe that she is supposed to still be inside of me for another week. Surreal.
We've had her home for eight nights now, one of which went pretty well, and seven of which were killer. Other babies in my August babies forum are sleeping for four or five hour stretches at night, and it just seems so impossible to me that it almost makes me laugh. Almost. Valerie needs to eat every 30-60 minutes all night, and once the nursing, burping, and usually diaper change are all done, I might get five minutes to sleep before the cycle starts all over again. Let me tell you, nights are very dark for me.
But, the sun comes up eventually, and sometimes she lets me take a two-hour nap in the late morning, and then I somehow have some energy again, and it seems like I just might survive this motherhood thing. Maybe.
Saturday night was her one good night - she let me sleep for over two hours, not once, but TWICE during the night. I was really grateful for this, because I had hoped to be able to take her to church this week, and I actually was able to. I really enjoyed having my little family at church, even if we did need to sneak out of the service twice to nurse and twice to change diapers. She loved the singing, which didn't surprise me, since she loved it when I was pregnant with her. I'm wondering if I'll be able to play the djembe with her in the sling... she always loved my drumming in the womb.
Today was not too hot or humid, so I took her outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and vitamin D. She didn't quite know what to make of the great outdoors - she gaped rather oddly throughout the whole affair. I hope this nice weather holds so we can go outside more often.
I know this stage of her life is temporary. I know that, as hard as it is right now, eventually, she will let me sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. I know that I will carry fond memories of the little squeaking noises she makes while nursing, and the first time that she turned to find the source of my voice when someone else was holding her and she heard me talking. So I'm taking lots of pictures, and taking each day at a time. Because really, what else can I do? I'm a mama, now. And I wouldn't give her back for all the world.
First sponge bath at home (8 days old)
First time in church (12 days old)
We spend a lot of time in this position (12 days old)
First time in the sunshine (2 weeks old)
More pictures on Flickr.
We've had her home for eight nights now, one of which went pretty well, and seven of which were killer. Other babies in my August babies forum are sleeping for four or five hour stretches at night, and it just seems so impossible to me that it almost makes me laugh. Almost. Valerie needs to eat every 30-60 minutes all night, and once the nursing, burping, and usually diaper change are all done, I might get five minutes to sleep before the cycle starts all over again. Let me tell you, nights are very dark for me.
But, the sun comes up eventually, and sometimes she lets me take a two-hour nap in the late morning, and then I somehow have some energy again, and it seems like I just might survive this motherhood thing. Maybe.
Saturday night was her one good night - she let me sleep for over two hours, not once, but TWICE during the night. I was really grateful for this, because I had hoped to be able to take her to church this week, and I actually was able to. I really enjoyed having my little family at church, even if we did need to sneak out of the service twice to nurse and twice to change diapers. She loved the singing, which didn't surprise me, since she loved it when I was pregnant with her. I'm wondering if I'll be able to play the djembe with her in the sling... she always loved my drumming in the womb.
Today was not too hot or humid, so I took her outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air and vitamin D. She didn't quite know what to make of the great outdoors - she gaped rather oddly throughout the whole affair. I hope this nice weather holds so we can go outside more often.
I know this stage of her life is temporary. I know that, as hard as it is right now, eventually, she will let me sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. I know that I will carry fond memories of the little squeaking noises she makes while nursing, and the first time that she turned to find the source of my voice when someone else was holding her and she heard me talking. So I'm taking lots of pictures, and taking each day at a time. Because really, what else can I do? I'm a mama, now. And I wouldn't give her back for all the world.
First sponge bath at home (8 days old)
First time in church (12 days old)
We spend a lot of time in this position (12 days old)
First time in the sunshine (2 weeks old)
More pictures on Flickr.
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